Look, you're very cute. You look kind of like a High School Musical castmember after a lost weekend. Let's face it, when faced with the choice to run into you or Li'l Wayne in a dark alley, most "mainstream Americans" would probably pick you over Weezy.
To… Read the rest
Dear Megan Fox,
The biggest reason why I'm kind of relieved that my acting career never made it past a high-school production of "The Wiz"? I don't have to work with showbiz people. I mean, if I had to work, as you did, with Michael Bay, your director (and… Read the rest
By now it’s pretty much a cliche to hate you. Which is a shame, since you were such a popular, charismatic figure early on in your career. You’re a great player, and you made so many smart career moves, and had the kind of big, spotlight-friendly personality… Read the rest
Dear Kate Middleton,
Congratulations on pulling off your big day under the watchful eyes of pretty much the entire world. A wedding means a lot of work and stress even when there aren’t any news outlets present, but you made it look as easy as just having a couple of… Read the rest
Today I will teach about the philosophical concept known as Occam’s Razor.
First, I will have to go over the Latin phrase “lex parsimoniae” or law of parsimony. This will lead to the definition of the word ‘succinctness’. And after listening to your long winded explanations that always start… Read the rest
Dear Sarah Palin,
Iʼm glad youʼre having so much fun with your reality show! Iʼm not going to lie, I havenʼt seen a minute of it, but I understand that it makes your life look pretty great — outdoor sports, lots of time with the kids, great outﬁts, etc. And… Read the rest
Today is 3/15, aka the Ides of March. Unlike yesterday, pi day, you will not be eating during today’s lesson.
–>March is named for the Roman god of war, Mars.
–>Ides means the middle of any month.
So the Ides of March just means the middle of March.… Read the rest